Why
Mirror Mirror
Welcome to my inaugural blog post!
I will be sharing the story behind one of my photographs through an audio diary. And for all of you out there that are fans of reading, I will be providing a transcription of the audio as well (found below the photograph). This month, I am sharing the story behind Why. This photograph is part of a larger body of work called “Betrayal: Shattered in a Moment,” which has been an incredibly therapeutic series for me. This piece required me to physically engage with my artistic process, and in doing so, I was able connect with my emotions on a much deeper level.
How did you make this photograph? (0 - 2.07)
One morning, I woke up absolutely possessed. I needed to make photographs. I had been turning my camera upon myself and using self portraiture as a means of expressing my feelings and emotional state of being for months. This particular morning, I chose to use a pinhole lens and set up my tripod. I had been turned onto the availability and creative opportunities of a pinhole lens by my friend, Wayne Swanson, and so I ordered one that would fit on my Canon. A pinhole lens is a lens with a very tiny pin size opening that allows light to hit the camera’s sensor. There are no controls except how long the shutter stays open. There is an ethereal quality to this imagery which appealed to me and I wanted to explore.
With my camera set up in my bedroom and the natural north light cascading in from my picture window, I started making photographs. I got lost in the process for a couple of hours. I have found that it is better to go as far as I can, while the creative flow is coming through me.
I allowed myself to emote as I used the remote in my hand to click the shutter. After hours of making photographs, I printed them out to evaluate. Excitement set in as I began seeing that I was capturing images that were distorted, softer, and felt different than the photographs I had previously made using myself. I shared them with several fellow photographers and although there was some sort of feeling that maybe I was getting somewhere, I could tell that I had only scratched the surface. So, I spread the photographs out and examined them further. My time spent simply observing my photos sparked an idea! I decided to make a mirror print of the photograph, and then, with two photographs on the table, I started to slice them up with my exacto knife. As I reassembled the strips of the photographs, I soon recognized that I had found an alternative way to express myself. And upon finishing the piece, I had created a unique hand-cut and reassembled photograph that resonated more clearly with the complex emotional state that I was working to shed.
What allows you to be so vulnerable in this series? (2.07 - end)
This is another question that comes up a lot when I share this work in the public. And, I have to say that I've given this question a great deal of thought.
Initially, it was important to me that I ask my family members how they felt, and in turn they have given me permission to pursue my work. But, even with their permission, I realized that the statement I make in this series is very harsh (statement found below). However, the narrative does not just belong to myself. These kinds of harsh realities and betrayals happen to a lot of people. But, if Why and the photographs from my series, “Betrayal: Shattered in a Moment,” can help other people who have gone through difficult situations and emotional struggles, then my work has transcended my personal universe. I am motivated to share my complete story knowing that my work could encourage a release of people’s pain as they find solace in my photographs and the story behind them. This is really what encourages me to be brave with myself as I face my camera.
